it has been about four years now since my father died ...
Before he died, he suffered from parkinson disease and some other psychological issue that made him behave very strangly...
I was about 22 years old ...
The problem is that i used to treat him very bad that time, I also hit him ...
Sometimes when I return back to myself I knew how bad I behaved, I went back to him and asked him to forgive me ...
Till now I sometimes remember that I could have been much more nice to him when he was in pain, all i can do is just cry myself to sleep ...
I don't know if I am a bad person or not, but people around me don't think about me this way ... at all ...
All they know about me is that I am a kind, tender person with very sensitive feelings ...
They know that I am very romantic ... GrassNCloud Blog | English, baby!:: The first term exam was over very long time ago, i feel like that. My result was pretty bad. i need now is a friend who can speak English, who can help me http://www.englishbaby.com/blog/howdyHOME |
But I still can't relate the way I behaved with my father to my character ...
I know sometimes what people see is not really what I am inside ...
But there's only one thing I remember, when I was a kid, I wasn't in a good relationship with my father ... He used to beat me sometimes ... But overall, there was nothing really to worry about ... He also treated me good when I did good things ... But there were times when he was a little cruel to me ...
Please share your thoughts with me ... I need all what you will write
Well tbh he probably knows your writing all this and doesn't want you to worry Grammar Girl :: Bad Versus Badly:: to me, I was quoted as saying, I feel bad about that. help - could you give me some help on the correct use of affective and effective please? http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/bad-versus-badly.aspxHOME | Sex Question for Guys. Please help me.? This guy and I like each other :: Its not you believe me, a man is happy to even be around a girl thats willing to have sex with him. And theres really no way you could be bad at sex. Just ask him http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071120230249AACX5RmHOME |
Its like if you think of it the other way round
If you died and you saw you son sitting and sleeping crying his eyes out wouldn't you want him to know that he shouldn't worry
Hes always with you and still is no matter what
Well... im in a similar situation and can very much relate.
my dad didnt spend alot of time with me when i was young, there was pratically no/little bond. i mis-treated him as i am older (19) and to some extent quite badly, because of his 'disabled' arm. Thats what we thought it was....
But we found out about a month ago he has cancer and is dying of it, that was the reason why his arm was like that... thinking abut that upsets me and now im just trying to 'repay' him for the way i treated him... No matter what, Everyone will feel regret and what they should and shouldnt have done. If you done your best, then that's what it is.. Your best. Lucky me my dad is still around but wouldnt be for long.. all i can do is pay my respects. ill be in your shoes soon.
i think you experiencing all this would make you overall a much stronger person.
This the time when i felt Everyone needs to be forgiven at some point.. i Hated him at times even to death.
It sounds to me as if you need some sort of talking therapy with a professional counsellor/therapist. Often when we look back at our childhood we have memories of events that happened that we have obviously not dealt with. The thoughts that you had towards your father do not make you a bad person, but one who has unresolved issues to deal with. I never truly understood the meaning of loving someone but not liking them much until I had children of my own, and took steps to deal with my own relationship with my Mother. When we start to deal with what affected us in the past, it gives us the strength to move on without taking our past hurts with us. Consult your GP and aske for a referral to a counsellor, believe me it really helps, I have been on both sides of the fence and so know what I am talking about. Good luck and I hope you find the peace within your mind that you deserve.
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